I'm really great at starting things but not-so-great at finishing them.
Short-lived childhood passions of mine included clog dancing (more bluegrass than Riverdance), ceramics, basketball, theater, and writing for my hometown newspaper's weekly kid's column. In adulthood, I've similarly began many things with great passion that eventually fizzled out. Or, I'd self-sabotage and vote myself off any proverbial island ahead of my time.
I could easily blame this tendency on being an Enneagram 7 or my ADHD. Either of those could make sense of my sometimes flighty, fickle ways. Surprisingly, as much as I love to live with a sense of reckless abandon, the truth is I love routine and structure. I crave it. I love spontaneity, but my soul craves consistency. I do want to finish what I set out to do, but I frequently get in the way of the goals I want to achieve.
When I was stuck in a personal funk a few years ago, I picked up a copy of James Clear's book Atomic Habits. There are so many great insights in the book, but one that has stuck with me is:
"Every action you take is a vote for the person you wish to become."
🎧 Listen to this podcast with Brené Brown to get the gist of the book if you're not a reader.
We are what we habitually do. If we want to change who we are, we must change our habits. And whatever goals we set for ourselves, however lofty they may be, boil down to the daily routines that govern our time, energy, and attention. The lives we live are the outcomes of our everyday rituals.
Turning 40 naturally made me very introspective about my life and what I'm choosing to do with it. I wouldn't say I've had a midlife crisis so much as an awakening to realize I still haven't fully pursued some of my dreams. So, when New Year's Eve rolled out this year, rather than thinking about resolutions, I focused on some of the personal goals I've set for myself and the habits I would need to create to see them become a reality. The phrase that popped up in the pages of my journal on December 31 was: I want to be a sober, healthy, spiritually-grounded writer.
I know it sounds like a lot. It scared me to write it down. But as I sat with it, I knew there was something to it. So here's what that's looked like for me and my daily rituals since January 1:
Sober
The most important habit in my life is continuing to break one of my former bad habits. On June 20th, Lord willing, I'll be two years sober. In my daily practice, sobriety means more than not drinking but being active in my recovery. I speak with my sponsor every day. I also make time daily to talk to at least three other people in recovery via quick phone calls or texts. I also write and share a gratitude list with a few of my sober friends. And most days (five out of seven), I attend a recovery meeting. I know with certainty that without sobriety as the cornerstone, everything else I'm trying to do and build with my life would crumble. (More on my sobriety journey here.)
Healthy
I've struggled with weight most of my life and have been on every fad diet imaginable. I've spent more money than I care to admit on trainers, fitness cults, nutritionists, and Ozempic prescriptions. This year, I decided to right-size my expectations of myself. The desired end state is healthy. Dad bod would be great, too. But rather than trying to commit to something I'd eventually quit, I challenged myself to sweat and move every day for at least 30 minutes. I use the Rings on my Apple Watch for accountability and have closed them daily since January 1. I'm not trying to overdo it. Consistency is key.
Another component of health isn't just physical but mental, and I have and continue to meet with a therapist weekly. I cherish those sessions and sacred space to sort through whatever is on my mind and heart.
Spiritually-Grounded
A quick scan of the morning headlines confirms what we all know: our world is on fire. And while things seem unmoored in every arena of life, I want to be anchored in spiritual practices. For me, that’s meant making time every day to meditate and pray. I begin every morning with the same prayer:
"God, I offer myself to Thee – To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life."
I have some spiritual books I like to read, and then I take 10 minutes to meditate using the Calm app. There's no right or wrong way to meditate other than to do not it. I like to use the app for accountability and have stayed consistent since January 1. Those 10 minutes may not seem like much compared to the other 1,430 minutes of a day, but it’s 10 minutes where I can sit still, relax, and disconnect from the chaos and connect with my Higher Power.
Writer
It will come as no shock to you if you're reading this, but I want to be a published author. For the last two years, I've written the Morning Pages, a practice Julia Cameron discusses in her book, The Artists Way. Every morning after I walk my dog and grab an iced coffee, I sit down and write whatever is on my mind. Some days I recount what I did the day before or think through what's coming up in the day ahead. Sometimes I go down rabbit holes of curiosity or process things that come up in my therapy sessions or recovery meetings. In my early days of sobriety, it was a lot of me convincing myself to stick with it and dealing with feelings I had been numbing for so long. The content may go in varied directions, but it's consistently about 3 pages, handwritten, in a journal every morning.
While I have the habit of writing my Morning Pages, I wanted to take it up a notch. In January, I signed myself up for a memoir writing class on a whim. This was one of those instances where I was afraid my impulsiveness would get the best of me. Thankfully, I have over 20,000 words to show for it ten weeks later. Many of the posts shared I've shared here were my weekly homework assignments for the class. It lit a fire under me. And beginning next week, I'm taking a month-long sabbatical from work to focus on my writing and to assemble a book proposal. I will try and convince a publisher I have a story worth publishing. It's the first step in trying to become a full-fledged writer. I don't know what, if anything, will materialize from it, but I feel like I'm ready to give it a shot.
More than 100 days into the year, I'm happy to report that I'm still sober, trying my best to be healthy, feel grounded, and write every day. There's not been a significant transformation per se, but a steady stream of consistent, daily rituals that, in time, will lead me closer to being the sober, healthy, spiritually-grounded writer I hope to be.
What about you? What are habits or rituals that keep you grounded? What keeps you motivated and focused on your goals? I’d love to hear your replies in the comments below.
This is such an inspiring piece of writing. Thank you! I, too, have started new habits and am feeling the effects of living the life I want to live: 30 min of yoga every morning, deep breathing and movement. Alone in a room with myself. I want to get back to daily pages and I will. For me, it’s the practices that give my life cadence and stride. To develop and sustain practices sharpen the contours of life. I can’t wait to read your book!
I love this, Tim! And so proud of the consistency you’ve built in these different areas.
I too struggle with how long to hold on to an interest and knowing when some curiosities are simply temporary. I explore what peaked my interest, then move on. In some ways, I think that’s how I’m built. I love to learn a little about a lot, rather than specializing in one thing.
But other times I wonder if I consistently explored something, would it turn into something bigger/more? There’s so much pressure in our society to monetize every little interest we have and that haunt me tbh.
Rooting for you as you take your writing sabbatical!! I’ve so enjoyed these posts of yours.