This is my revival
A look back at my book release week and what's next
I’ve helped dozens of authors launch books. Some were a huge success and others… not so much. And having that industry knowledge was both a blessing and a curse when it came to launching my own book. I’m still wrapping my mind around the last week, but all I can say is that it exceeded all of my expectations in every single way. I’ll definitely do a breakdown of how it all worked and the lessons I learned along the way. But for now, I want to thank each and every one of you for making last week a moment I’ll cherish for a lifetime.
Here’s what I intended to be a quick recap of the week that turned into a full-length novella, and an update on what’s coming next…
The Dropouts Reunite
Over the weekend, friends traveled into NYC from Atlanta, Austin, Los Angeles, Chicago, Charlotte, and San Francisco to be a part of my launch week, which I still can’t believe. I spent time with them over the weekend, catching up over dinner, seeing Broadway shows—Dog Day Afternoon and Maya Rudolph in Oh Mary!—and attending service at Good Shepherd on Sunday.
I spent most of Monday in existential dread and panic, but busied myself getting a manicure and pedicure, shopping, and doing a session with my therapist.
And on Monday evening, I had a reunion with a group of fellow conversion therapy dropouts. We all met more than 20 years ago at an Exodus Conference and have kept in touch since. But this was the first time we’d all been together in the same room since we were trying to “pray the gay away,” and I cannot tell you how special it was. We’ve all traveled different paths but share a brotherhood that has stood the test of time. As we shared memories and flipped through old photos, it reminded me that my book isn’t just my story; it’s our story. Having them here with me to be a part of this means more than I’ll ever be able to express. (For those of you who have read the book, Corey is pictured here.)
The Morning of Release Day
On the morning of release day, I got up at 6:11 AM. I prayed, did my Morning Pages, and posted this fun sizzle Reel that my friend Jay, the former head of marketing at Hillsong, made for me. He also designed the cover of my book!
Then, I made my way to a recovery meeting.
Sobriety is what enabled me to write my story and to do it in a way that I hope helps others. And so it made sense to start my big day acknowledging the community that has walked alongside me for nearly five years. My book wouldn’t exist if I weren’t sober. (Read about how I got sober in the chapter Gay the Pray Away.)
I did brunch with some friends after, met my sister for a little bit, and then around 1 PM got the notification that the piece I’d written for Oprah Daily had gone live.
I had been in touch with the team there for a number of months and pitched the idea of writing about my life behind-the-scenes in megachurches while figuring out what it was like to be a gay man in my late 20s. The team at Oprah Daily was so supportive and collaborative, and I’m so incredibly proud of where it landed and am humbled that I had the chance to share my story with Oprah’s audience.
The Launch Event at Stonewall
When I first thought about my launch event, I pictured a small gathering at an indie bookstore with maybe twenty people. Instead, I had a standing room-only crowd of more than one hundred people crammed into the Stonewall National Monument Visitor Center.
I spent eight years in conversion therapy that promised me “freedom from homosexuality.” To be able to launch my book in the birthplace of the queer liberation movement, which gave LGBTQ+ people the freedom to be themselves, felt poignant and fitting.
I made fake church bulletins for the occasion and friends handed them out along with stickers inspired by the book and rainbow-colored WWJD? bracelets.
My dear friend Shauna opened the night and introduced me and MORGXN.
MORGXN and I talked about the book, conversion therapy, and everything in between. And MORGXN sang some beautiful songs, including “This is My Revival” — which is one of my favorites of his. And it’s become my unofficial anthem for my book release.
Throughout the evening, which felt like a blur, I remember looking out across the room and seeing so many different people from different phases of my life — family, longtime friends, conversion therapy dropouts, church friends, my sober community, and new friends. It was overwhelming and beautiful. (It was a lot like my forieth birthday that I describe in the chapter Forty.)
And one group of people in particular I need to acknowledge is the fellow writers who were part of my memoir-writing class. After two years of looking at each other through Zoom boxes on Wednesday nights, meeting in person for the first time while celebrating this milestone felt like pure magic. I couldn’t have done this without them. (And those who were there in spirit!) They read some of the earliest drafts of what eventually became my book and helped me believe I had a story worth sharing. I couldn’t have done this without them and cannot wait to read and celebrate their books!
Shauna concluded the night, pointing out how symbolic it was that I was seated in front of the projected image of me as a little boy in my macho crop top. And we closed the night with a prayer that this book would reach the people it needs to. It was so moving.
Check out Shauna’s recap of the night and read an excerpt from my book here:
I signed books—which we sold out of!—afterwards. Then, I headed to a little after-party my sister and a dear friend had arranged at Bibliotheque in SoHo. It was so much fun to have so many dear friends together in one space. And it was even more special to have Tia Levings there, whose incredible book, I Belong to Me, released on the same day!
The media tour and book tour
The next morning, I woke up, and it all felt like a dream. I wanted to sit and bask in the memories, but the Lord’s work is never done.
By 10 AM, I was online recording a podcast with Jen Hatmaker. The episode will air in June. And Jen graciously posted about the book and reshared her endorsement. I am so thankful for her and her allyship and am so excited for you to hear our conversation.
After that, I met the last of my friends who were still in town for a final brunch, and we all said our goodbyes. Then I spent the rest of the day decompressing and preparing for the remainder of the week.
Bright and early Thursday morning, a black SUV picked me up and drove me to NBC News at Rockefeller Center to do an interview with Joe Fryer on NBC News Now. We covered everything from the recent SCOTUS ruling to the historic report out of the Vatican about conversion therapy, and why I decided to write my book.
After the broadcast, I was whisked back to Brooklyn long enough to change my outfit and grab my bags before heading to Google’s office in NYC.
I don’t share much about my work life here, but I’m coming up on a year at Google.
When I let them know I was writing a book, I was met with a flood of love and support. And Google’s LGBTQ+ Pride group hosted an author’s event for me.
To have come from a place in life where I had to hide parts of myself at work in churches, to being able to talk openly about my faith and sexuality, is quite a change. I was joined in conversation by a member of the Google DeepMind team and we talked more about faith than I’ve ever talked about faith in the workplace, and it was beautiful. I love my job, but that event made me even more proud to be a Googler.
Immediately following the Google event, I hopped in a cab — which, in hindsight, I should have taken the train — to LaGuardia to catch a flight to Chicago.
Bright and early Friday morning, I found myself at the NBC Chicago studios. I was meant to be on a live broadcast of Chicago Today, but due to some breaking news coverage, I recorded a segment with Matthew Rodrigues and Cortney Hall. That segment will air in the coming weeks.
Then, I met an old friend for lunch, who I write about in the book, Brett.
He flew in from Kansas City to attend my book release event in Chicago.
You can read about him in the chapter Breakdown, as well as the email he sent me when I was debating whether to take the opportunity of a lifetime at Hillsong Church in the chapter I Surrender.
We haven’t seen each other in almost seven years. It was so great to reconnect with him and thank him in person for the pivotal role he played in my coming-out experience and in my book.
Then, I trekked up to my old stomping grounds in Boystown and stopped by Unabridged Bookstore.
When I moved to Boystown after leaving conversion therapy—the chapter Sodom and Gomorrah in my book—Unabridged became a sanctuary. The booksellers there handed me the queer stories and introduced me to writers who helped me piece together my own identity.
Being there and seeing my book on those same shelves was more emotional than I could have anticipated. I hope my story can be a roadmap for the next person searching for their way.
I’m so grateful to the team for stocking my book, and I even signed a few copies while I was there.
I took a little trip down memory lane after and walked past this coffee shop where I used to run my digital empire for megachurches.
This is the very coffee shop from the introduction of book, where I was “hustling for Jesus while chatting on Grindr with a man named Jesús.” I can’t remember what the coffee shop was called back then. It’s been a few different coffee shops over the last decade, but I remember it was run by a very kind lesbian. But this is where I would write posts for The Global Leadership Summit, Hillsong Worship, Judah Smith, and whatever roster of clients I had at the time. Smack dab in the middle of Boystown.
From there, I took a breather before heading to my release event at City Lit Books.
My friend Kathy Khang was meant to join me in conversation, but she had some unexpected travel delays. So, Jake Wittich, who interviewed me recently for the Windy City Times, graciously took her spot.
Chicago is where I broke and where I began to remake myself. I spent my final four years in conversion therapy here, and my first years finally living freely in Boystown. So there was nowhere else better to kick off my book tour.
Getting to share my story in a room full of people who witnessed parts of it (and some who were hearing it for the first time!) was more than I could have hoped for.
And it was fun to have a good showing of friends from the first church I worked for in Chicago in attendance. We all joked we were more like a survivors/support group, considering what most of us had experienced working and attending that particular church.
Afterward, a group of us grabbed pizza nearby, my brother toasted to my book, and I watched as friends from different parts of my life mingled and got to know one another. It was beautiful.
The following morning, I met my brother and his wife for brunch, spent the afternoon being a tourist in my former hometown, and caught up with some dear friends. And I ended the trip, appropriately, at Sidetrack, the first gay bar I ever visited. (I write about that experience in the chapter Pride Cometh Before the Fall.)
I was back in New York City on Sunday afternoon and back to work on Monday morning.
Going back to work after having my pub week off to do book events and promo is a kind of emotional whiplash I can’t describe. I’m grateful for my 9-5, but this past week made the distinction clear: my day job provides stability, but being a writer is the real work I was called to do.
Last week was a lot emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
It was the culmination of more than four years of work finally reaching the finish line, and seeing “my baby” sent out into the world. I could have never imagined any of it in my wildest dreams, but it happened.
And I’m grateful to share that at the close of my pub week, Conversion Therapy Dropout ranked as the #1 bestseller in the LGBTQ+ Demographic Studies and LGBTQ+ Memoir categories on Amazon.
The kindest review
I have been overwhelmed with so many kind messages and DMs about my book in the last week. Friends from the past, former classmates, and even one of my former high school girlfriends reached out to say she’d read the book and loved it.
And while I’ve tried my best not to read the reviews, I couldn’t help myself when I saw that Elissa Altman , one of the modern patron saints of memoir-writing, posted about my book on her Substack. I read her book Permission just as I was putting the final touches on my manuscript. It’s a beautiful exploration of what it means to finally grant ourselves the freedom to live and write our own truths.
Here’s what she said.
Possibly one of the greatest stories of permission I’ve ever read. The numbers are absolutely staggering: in the United States, more than 700,000 people have undergone conversion therapy of some sort (including two people I know personally), designed to “cure” them of being gay. Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez was one of them. Out this week, [Conversion Therapy Dropout] is an absolutely stunning book about what it means to come face-to-face with faith and authenticity, and to question not only one’s truth, but the requirements of one’s own community that demands you be something other than who you are, at all costs. A breathtaking, heart-breaking, beautiful book about humanity, faith, and Rodriguez’s staggering resilience.
To have the memoirist who literally wrote the book on permission say those kind things about my memoir was beyond moving and affirming.
The show must go on!
Launching a book is a marathon, not a sprint.
And while the hardest part of publishing a book has passed, I’m so excited to see the new life my book will take as it is out in the world. And I’ll still be doing my part by continuing on in my book tour.
This week I’m headed to Dallas and Austin before taking a brief week off the road to enjoy my first week on Fire Island for the summer with my friends. (Read about my love for Fire Island in the epilogue of my book.)
And then I’ll be back in action and headed to San Francisco, Los Angeles, Denver, and Nashville in a couple of weeks. If you’re near any of those cities, I’d love to see you, sign your books, and spend the evening with you—in a bookstore. More details here.
Thank you, and…
From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for being a part of this adventure with me. This book is only just beginning to find its people. If you want to help it along, here’s what makes the biggest difference:
Buy a copy from your local independent bookstore and share it with a friend.
Post a review on Amazon and Goodreads. Even two sentences helps my book find new readers.
Request that your local library stock the book.
Post about the book on social media and tag me (@timothy.s.rodriguez on Instagram or TikTok).
Suggest my book for any book clubs or reading groups you belong to. And I’m willing to come and join you virtually. Details here.
My book is out of my hands and in yours now… or in your ears if you’re an audiobook person. Thank you for reading, listening, sharing, and for proving that even the most painful stories can be remade into something beautiful.
I hope to see you on the road,
P.S. - For even more frequent updates, don’t forget to follow me on Instagram, Threads, and TikTok.
Love this follow-up to an AMAZING journey!!!!
Looking forward to the rest of it!!!! 👏✨💛
Super congrats! I can’t wait to get my copy 🙏🏽🙏🏽